Taco Tuesday #4: Local 188
the great panbake, slathered in the berries de azul
This panbake is no ordinary panbake either. This panbake, is shoved in the oven for at least 20 minutes, till the outside of it is similar to what I feel like after 4-5 hours in straight sunlight, sans sunblock - because that shit makes my skin feel yucky and is for pussies ya feel me - golden brown with a slight crisping to the outer layers. Don't worry though, the flakes in this panbake won't make you gag or think of Mike Meyers. The moisture will reflect how all y'alls privates are gonna feel like though. This panbake is an undergarment-changer. This panbake won 6th Man of the Year Status 4 years running since it comes in and sets the tone, regardless of mood or foul trouble. This that panbake that the Cavs want to replace Kevin Love with. He meshes with all dishes. Don't tell me you can't see an instagram post with Kyrie, BronBron, and the panbake chillin' and rillin' with some cubano cigars in Rio in the offseason. And once you have a good mental representation of that panbake's future, you'll have a pretty good idea of what it tastes like. UHHHHHH BRUH.
Next up we got the rolly polly breakfast burritolly. This. Burrito. Is. Fire. Boss. First, can you see that plate framing skill of the line chef? I don't even know what this mystery white, viscous sauce is, but damn yo, it pair well with my eggs, black beans, and "greens" (their word, not mine). I'm not going to lie, if you've had one breakfast burrito, they probably pale in comparison to this one. I can say that with relative confidence knowing that most of you sukkas probably only know the breakfast burritos that 7-11 or Cumby's is peddling to y'all basic-ass-tastebud-having honkeys.
honeybutter and biscuits. MOTHERFUCKER.
Whattup y'all. It's ya boi theBennyC AKA the real beard of Zeus AKA the instagramless Dan Bilzerian. My apologies for being absent from your pixel-desensitized eyeballs, but bruh I was busy. You need more info than that? Yeah? Fuckouttahere. That's about the most amount of excuse I can work up for you b. All you gotta know is that during my brief staycation in Portland, I crammed the food down. With my newfound hotel/hostel/palace/Airbnb room, I've gotten the company and the extra side hustle flow to give me a reason to go lighten my wallet and increase my waist size.
To start the festivities, my PIC & I obviously started out with some dank mimosas, which were subsequently comped because I am me, and baller AF so obviously they were going to be comped. I get so many drinks for free I'm essentially from Comp-ton 'nahmean. After slamming these mimosas back (maybe 2 or 3 or 8), the dishes arrived on the air of the classic Americana dark wooded interior. First up, the oven baked pancake...or the Panbake as I liked to call it. Even though that is a poor choice of word combinations because it is an oxymoron, but this is my page, so I write/say/do what I want. That's the tacit agreement we have. Because I am writing on the internet, I am immune to any and all grammatical corrections, 'namsayin. Truth
biscuit with honeybutter and breakfast wrap sukka
And here's where it's about to get real. I'm not talking real like ya boo asking "where do you see our relationship in 5 years" real. I'm talking David Ortiz running train on ya momma's holes real. Designating to beat that pussy up with his Louisville Slugger nahmean. I'm talking 'bout that BISCUIT WITH SOME MOTHERFUCKING HONEYBUTTER. That's right, honey-fucking-butter. Not to be confused with it's inbred cousin, trufflebutter, honeybutter is NOT TO BE TRUFFLED WITH...erm...trifled with. Sorry I'm not sorry. But seriously, you must be thinking I'm craycray for thinking that a biscuit with some butter than needs some serious quality control, but nah man. This that good-good. Quite possibly, this all you need for brunch to be satisfied. It's that type of good. This so good you'll finally dump your side-piece and propose to your bottom bitch. This honeybutter so good Lil Wayne decided to leave his own record label over it. IT SO GOOD IT'S BOTH AN INDICA AND SATIVA YA FEEL ME DAWG? Sorry. I just get excited whenever I think about the honeybutter. Still get chills...and my Podrick Lannister gets riled up. Waking the dragons type shit 'nahmean.
There ya go family. Giving you the deets on one tasty meal at Local 188. Go check it out and give the waiter some beads, he'll reward you with mimosas. Till next week yo! PCE